Is it safe for me to move to Ohio as a Black gay man living with HIV?

Everytime I visit Ohio, I’m reminded of how nice it would be to live here. But as a Black gay man living with HIV, I often ask myself, “Is Ohio safe for me?”

By “safe,” I’m not thinking about homophobia. I’m concerned about Ohio’s HIV criminalization laws, which can send a person living with HIV to prison if they don’t disclose their serostatus before having sex.

Knowing that HIV criminalization cases in Ohio have been on the rise, particularly among Black gay men, I decided to test out how it might feel to live here in the gayest way possible: By seeing how men on gay hook-up apps treat me as a person living with the virus. Though it’s possible to share your serostatus on hook up apps, I decided to hide mine and see how people responded to me after I shared my HIV status with them.

I made a point of disclosing my HIV status before meeting up with anyone by writing, “Before we go any further, you should know that I am living with HIV. I am undetectable and healthy, but wanted to make sure you were okay with that before we met.”

Based on initial social interaction on the apps, I’ve found that men in Ohio are much nicer and more willing to engage with me than those in New York. But when it came to treating me like a person after I shared my HIV status, things became dicey.

Some people shared that they were on PrEP and did not mind that I was living with HIV. Others made it clear in their profiles that they are only interested in men who are “clean” – i.e., not aware that they are living with HIV. When these people wrote to me, some blocked me after I shared my status. Others responded that I was ruining the community.

One man asked if I could give him AIDS if we had sex. I calmly explained the science of U=U to him and moved on. Another man thanked me for sharing my status and disclosed that he was also living with HIV. He revealed that he normally doesn’t share his serostatus for fear of rejection.

The Social Cost of HIV Stigma

While I didn’t agree with this man’s rationale, I had to admit that I understood it. In total, I was rejected by more than 50 men who were otherwise interested in me. I was embraced by 12, and met up with four.

The man who shared his HIV status with me shouldn’t have to disclose. By getting tested and starting treatment, he’s already done his part to make sure that HIV stops with him. And as it is, gay men already go through so much. According to a 2022 report on nationwide incarceration commissioned by the MacArthur Foundation, LGBTQ+ people are more than twice as likely to be arrested and three times more likely to be incarcerated than their heterosexual counterparts.

Though I cautioned that man about criminalization laws, I left our conversation thinking, “Why should people who have been rejected by homophobes go out of their way to discriminate against their own community members who are brave enough to share their health statuses, even when it has no bearing on theirs?” For instance, no one would expect me to share that I am a survivor of anal cancer. If I told a hookup prospect that, he’d probably respond, “Great. Now what?”

People can’t transmit anal cancer – I get it. But they can and do transmit HPV, which the National Cancer Institute reports causes 90% of anal cancers, which often go undetected and are on the rise. But even with these figures, we still don’t prosecute HPV. And we shouldn’t.

So why are we criminalizing nondisclosure of HIV? Especially among people who can’t transmit it. Or even when transmission doesn’t occur or can’t occur – for instance, when prevention methods are involved or when sex means a handjob, which can’t transmit HIV.

If we actually want to get serious about containing HIV, that means rejecting incarceration and expanding health care. Doing so will mean:

1. People living with the virus can access antiretroviral therapy, becoming healthy and undetectable.
2. People who are seronegative can access pre-exposure prophylaxis to protect themselves from acquiring the virus.
3. Expanding access to condoms and lube.
4. Increasing HIV testing so that people are aware of their status and prevention options.

Getting here won’t happen by praying for the best. Expanding health options and abolishing HIV criminalization laws requires years of educating the public, meeting with legislators, and advocacy. I’m sharing my experience here because I hope our communities will join in fighting for all of our rights. If you’d like to participate but don’t know how, try reaching out to the Ohio Health Modernization Movement and Ohio Equality Federation to see where their efforts are. Then ask them what needs to happen next and how to ensure that the government stays out of our sex lives.

That’s the only way all of us will be free. And the only way I’ll feel safe about moving to Ohio. 🔥

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IGNITE ACTION

• Learn more about the efforts to decriminalize HIV in Ohio by visiting the Ohio Health Modernization Movement’s website here.